Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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