birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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