weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
