clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
