some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
