i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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