you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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