from now on my penis is your penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
