I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
