But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
