so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
smell my finger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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