just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
