So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
