she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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