God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
