Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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