She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
