Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
