I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
