You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
