the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
