When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
