her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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