I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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