I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
