she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
