is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
