wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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