we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
