i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
