i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
