New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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