When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
