I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My liver just broke up with me...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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