I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
