Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
