went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
