too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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