1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
