Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
