the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
