My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
