The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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