oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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