toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
