at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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