Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
