I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
