I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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