sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
